I feel like I owe people this post after leaving this blog untouched for two months unannounced. I didn't mean for it to happen, but it did. I had tried three times during that break to write a post similar to this but every time I ended up shutting laptop and curling into a ball part of the way through. I'm a very open person, but that doesn't mean I'm comfortable with being vulnerable. Over the past few years I've started talking more about my struggle with depression because I think it's important. That doesn't mean it's easy. I haven't been in the right head space to post about makeup, music or much of anything for awhile. If you look at previous post dates you can see the time between them slowly start to grow. When I'm low everything feels more difficult. I end up being so exhausted by the mental war going on inside that I have to start being very careful about what tasks I choose to do because everything drains me. There's not always a reason for it either. I'm not looking for pity, I just want understanding.
I'm lucky. I've been able to build up a support system for myself so that when things get bad I have people there to make sure I'm okay. My mental health has been a struggle for a long time and I've learned ways to cope. I don't feel comfortable going into detail on here but recently I've been trying to deal with traumatic events I've been avoiding thinking about for a long time. Thing is, once you unpack those feelings they're not always so easy to put away and sometimes other things come out with them. Stepping back from this blog and privating almost all of my youtube videos were not things I had planned, but it was what felt right.
I thank those of you that have been patient with me. I was rather shocked to see how steadily my stats have gone up despite my absence. I have lots of ideas for new content now that I'm feeling more myself.
